Interview with Wife-beater of Tourette's Syndrome
By Mike Coles
Touretteís Syndrome is a band that Iím not familiar with at all except for the fact that they play noisy grind. Iím conducting this interview because I really thought once the drummer for the band, Wife-beater, saw the questions I had sent him, he wouldnít reply. I was wrong.
I decided to include this "interview" that I found on a floppy recently because I thought it was funny, nothing more, and nothing less. Iím not sure if the contact address is still useful for those who might want to get in touch with this band, but just in case it is printed at the bottom.
- Mike - 2005
The Outcast: So why such hatred towards women?
Wife-beater: Because women are almost inherently useless. Sure, there are a couple exceptions to every rule, but admit it after the 45 seconds of pleasure are over, and after dinner is served, do you seriously want to spend the rest of the evening sharing an intelligent conversation with her only to hear about what she learned on Oprah?
The Outcast: What point are you trying to get across with the band? If itís only to tell the world about how much you hate women, donít you think thatís a bit immature?
Wife-beater: You see, Iím not telling the world how much I hate women, Iím telling the world how much EVERYBODY hates women (I donít! - Mike). Iím trying to help people exercise their frustrations on this subject. If I can help one brother realize that itís not okay to come home to a dirty house, a stack of dirty dishes, no clean clothes, warm beer, and no food on the table, after working all day to support that fat bitch, then itís not all in vain.
The Outcast: Well, what about men? Are you just being one-sided here? Men are bigger assholes than women will ever be. If it wasnít for men treating women the way they do since the beginning, maybe men wouldnít call them sluts all the time?
Wife-beater: Now Iím starting to wonder if this interview was written by a man named Mike or a woman named Michelle! Seriously, this is the type of interview a woman would send. Have some testosterone and laugh a little! As for men treating women shitty, I donít think we treat them shitty enough. Havenít we allowed them to vote? Donít they make at least $5.50 an hour, which is more than any man makes in Mexico starting out? That in itself is a crime!
The Outcast: What made you decide to play grind-core? Some critics say people who play grind-core canít actually play their instruments, your opinion please.
Wife-beater: Would somebody try to tell me that Gorgasm are a bunch of talent less hacks? Or that Cephalic Carnage canít really play their instruments? Bullshit! Just because grind bands donít drone on the same song for six minutes, doesnít mean theyíre not talented. Iím not the best drummer on earth, but I know I can play circles around quite a few death metal drummers. Thatís how I started, by playing death metal. These days, I find death metal to be boring and repetitive. Bruno Bitchslap, the guitarist in T.S., is insane. He doesnít need to write all the intricate riffs that he does in T.S., any olí riff would do, but he stresses out until it sounds perfect to him. Half the time you canít even hear how intense heís playing. It all gets lost.
The Outcast: Why the name Wife-beater? Are you married? If youíre not, shouldnít you change your name to Single-beater?
Wife-beater: I was married once. It lasted two years and then I walked in on her fucking my brother. I pounded the living shit out of both of them right there. I didnít even give him the chance to finish up. The court decided I was an unfit father because of this. I lost my kid, my house, my van, and now I have to pay child support. It was then that I became...... Wife-beater, protector of the innocent male, destroyer of lying and cheating whores everywhere.
The Outcast: Any closing words or comments?
Wife-beater: If you like really noisy intense grind, with a lot of variation, pick up our upcoming full length called; "Get Back in the Kitchen", set for release on this coming Valentines Day. There should be more than 40 wife beating, fag stomping, mince-core tracks on it.
570 84th LN. NW
COONRAPIDS, MN. 55433