Outcast
Issue #2

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In this issue:

• Interview with The "Great" Kat

• Interview with Johan of Tiamat

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Interview with The "Great" Kat
By Mike Coles

2/2/98

First off, I just want to say is that I have never met such a conceited individual in my life. This is only the first part of the interview, due to the fact she hung up on me the first time and not to mention the second time as well. She will not let you ask anything concerning anything; she just wants to talk about herself all the time. Hmmmm..., that reminds me of another individual in the scene. I like to fuck with people all the time and when I conducted this interview, I told her I was all doped up, but in reality I wasnít. She made such a big issue about it that I decided to act like a total moron just to piss her off. It was a weird and interesting experience. It sounds a lot better on the tape and itís actually pretty damn funny if you ask me. Each time that her response is capitalized, it means that she was totally just yelling at me. It was so fucked up the first time around. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my little chat with The "great" Kat.

The Outcast: .... oh yeah, Iím awake.

Kat: O.K., when you do that give me a call back because Iím not interested in doing interviews..., Iím going to be screaming my ass off and you being all on drugs, youíre not going to fucking understand a word Iím saying, because already youíre all fucking whacked.

The Outcast: No, I know whatís going on.

Kat: No, you donít know whatís going on. If youíre all potted out, drugged out, uh, uh you know, um nightmared out, into the fucking uh, whole; "I have to take pot just so I can fucking survive", you donít understand!

The Outcast: No, itís nothing like that at all.

Kat: Itís not like that? Where are you calling from?

The Outcast: Illinois.

Kat: So why do you have to be on pot right now to interview the "great" Kat, for what possible reason, why?

The Outcast: (In a sluggish tone) Why?

Kat: Yeah.

The Outcast: Iím not on it to interview you.

Kat: Youíre not on it to interview me, then why are you on it?

The Outcast: (In a sluggish tone) Why?

Kat: Yeah.

The Outcast: Relaxation.

Kat: WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE RELAXED!? WAKE UP!!

The Outcast: (Laughter. I couldnít believe what was happening. I couldnít believe this "woman" was so psycho!)

Kat: Hereís the interview, Iíll ask you one question for the fucking interview. Did you hear the "Guitar Goddess" CD?

The Outcast: Oh yeah.

Kat: And how did that make you feel?

The Outcast: Extreme! (Man, it was so hard not to bust out laughing throughout this "interview.")

Kat: Extreme, why?

The Outcast: (In a sluggish tone) Why, because itís fast.

Kat: DID IT WAKE YOU UP, obviously not if you want to be doped out and sleeping on um, pot. Why would you want to be on pot when my fucking CD just woke you up?

The Outcast: (Laughter)

Kat: When did you listen to the fucking CD?

The Outcast: (In a sluggish tone) When?

Kat: When did you listen to the fucking CD?

The Outcast: When I got it.

Kat: When was that?

The Outcast: (In a sluggish tone) When?

Kat: O.K., hereís what weíre going to do Mike, weíre going to reschedule this interview o.k., because youíre wasting my fucking time. Youíre to slow. Weíre going to reschedule, Iím going to do it, um, whatís today, Monday, weíll do it um, Iím going to reschedule for Friday, all right? Weíre going to do an interview on Friday, Iím putting you in my book right now and you will call me. Now, you wonít be on drugs, you wonít be potted out, you wonít be drugged out, you wonít sound all sluggish, alright? Youíre going to call me back and hereís the conversation; "Kat, letís start the fucking interview!" and Iím going to say; "Go!" and you better listen to the fucking CD 2 min. before you call me, are you going to do that?

The Outcast: Well, the thing is..

Kat: If you donít do that, donít bother wasting my fucking time, the thing is what?

The Outcast: Well, the reason Iím calling today is because I work 2 jobs and I wouldnít have time to do it later.

Kat: So, so. you donít have time to do it, but you have time to get high with fucking pot, but you donít have time to do an interview with me normal, do you?

The Outcast: I am normal.

Kat: YOUíRE NOT NORMAL! DONíT WASTE MY TIME! You decide, when you want to fucking decide to get off the drugs, drinking, and smoking, and get into the real world of cyber-speed, go to the web-site and cyber-drive your brain www.greatkat.com. Go, I suggest you go right now, go on any internet web-site and realize that the future is on the internet, realize they are not all on drugs and the pot and that Microsoft is taking over the world and Bill G. is making a billion dollars while youíre getting stoned, o.k.? When you realize that, send me an e-mail and you tell me when you want to wake up, in the mean time, quit wasting all our time, o.k.? Youíre fucking in the 16th century, when you get into the 21st century, LET ME KNOW! (click.)

shim
   
 

 
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