(Intended for the outro. to #3, getting you ready for what's to come in #4)
Who are you? Do you truly know who you are? What you are about? Have you ever stopped and wondered why you are the way you are? What you truly believe in? This article you are about to read is to prepare you for my next issue..................
Basically an issue questioning your beliefs and if they truly represent your heart / thoughts. I was talking to Elisabeth late one night, and we were talking about the theme the next issue is going to be focusing on. She was telling me about this girl who hated Christianity, and when Elisabeth asked her why she hated Christianity, she couldnít really give a "real" reason. What is a real reason, and what are your reasons for your "hatred" towards Christianity? Besides all the questions I mentioned beforehand, Iím going to be asking you some questions that I really want you to think about. Do you hate Christianity because of what Christianity stands for? Do you know what the number one philosophy Jesus Christ taught? Well if you donít know, it was love. How many bands out there that preach hatred towards Christianity and talk about Satan, truly know what they are talking about? Iím involved in a scene where bands/people tend to preach either about Satan, Gore, Death, Hate, Sex, Violence, etc... Iím sure we all know the topics by now. But what is it about the metal scene that tends to talk about such topics? Experiences in life? Living realities? Iím sure it is an influence of both things that I have mentioned. Or is this truly the Devils music? Oooo, scary.
I look at all the bands Iíve been involved in in the past and think about the subject matters Iíve talked about. Lets see, in 1993 I was in "Existence". The lyrics in that band were topics regarding life and how I felt in that period in time with Satan and God. Does anyone recall the poem/song in my first issue called "Unanswered Questions"? That was one of the songs we had in that band. This was a period in my life where all I thought about was if God really existed, why he would never show himself to me. Thinking back on it, if he would have "shown" himself to me, where we would be face to face, I would have ended up believing in him for the wrong reasons. That would go against the main factor of what being a Christian is, to have faith in the unseen.
Then came the "almighty" "El Pecado", "El Potato", El Pescado", and I canít recall all the other names people had for us. Any way, some of you might recall some of the lyrics/song titles. Well, if you didnít ever figure out the translations, here are a few examples. 1)"El Odio"- "The Hatred" 2) "Yo Confeso"-"I confess" 3) "Odio A Dios"-"I hate God" 4) "Condenado Reciennacido" - "Condemned Since Birth". Well, you get the idea. I wrote the lyrics in 1994/95, a period in my life where all I did was denounce Gods name and all that was Holy. But why? That is the biggest thing I started asking myself in 1996-to where Iím at now. Did I truly have a reason in denouncing God/Jesus? What did he ever do to me? Why did I do this? Why do all these bands that preach about Satan and the destruction to all that is holy, preach about these things? Looking back at the way I was, and how I burned these inverted crosses into my arms, did I truly believe in all the things that I had preached/did? Well, as far as the majority of "El Pecadoís" lyrics, no. I didnít believe in what I said, I was just really pissed off at religion and the people who were always preaching at me about God. I was also pissed off all the time for them saying that metal was the Devils music. But you know, what other styles of music preach so much about hatred, Satan, death, etc..? Donít get me wrong, there are other styles of music that preach about Satan and the darker side of life, but not in such a blunt matter like metal, well, that Iím aware of any way. After all, metal is for the extreme.
Let us look at the underlined word after religion, the people. How many of us have been preached at by the "religious"? I have been preached at countless times, by so many people that I didnít even know, and even more so by my own family. Growing up in a religious/Catholic environment, Iím sure all you "Catholics" can relate on how much crap I had to hear growing up. Now, to the music. I was 13 when I was introduced to metal. King Diamond / Mercyful Fate was one of the first bands I ever heard, next to Anthrax, Sodom, Kreator, Slayer, Testament, Overkill, you know, the 80's thrash movement or whatever you want to call it. As time went on, I started listening to "Sweet Nightmares" and started getting hooked to an even more extreme style, death metal. Ahhh, "Altars of Madness", "Scream Bloody Gore", "Severed Survival", "Left Hand Path", "Seven Churches"etc... Then came the explosion of Black metal in 90-91. I can remember the first time I heard the first Burzum, Enslaved/Emperor split, Mayhem, Immortal, Impaled N., albums, and I truly went crazy over this different vibe/atmosphere of metal that was being unleashed. I was literally possessed.
I want you to think back on your life for a moment and think about who you were in the past, before you got into metal. Also, what you were like, what you stood for, and how much your life has changed since you got into metal. I personally became more extreme on my thoughts. Literally spent all my money on metal, whether it was tapes/records/magazines/CD. I started to experiment with drugs because my friends who were also into metal were doing it. I had read many metal magazines and inlay cards about Anton Lavey and became curious about who he was and in his works/philosophies. I had a copy of the Satanic Bible and other occult related books by the time I was 15. But why did I start changing so drastically? Because I was under the influence of my friends and my favorite bands, which when I was 13-16, was King Diamond/Mercyful Fate.
Let us look at this style of extreme music once again. We have the majority of bands preaching about Death, Satan, hatred towards religion, God, and all that is Holy, etc.. While we have other metal bands that talk about life experiences, depression, hatred in general, etc.. So what Iím getting to is this. Do all of you who claim to hate Christianity, hate it because of what your favorite bands say? Because of the people/Christians who oppressed you and I? Or because you truly know what each "religion" (Satanism/Christianity) stands for? Not only did I ask myself that same question 2 years ago, I also asked my self another. Did I truly hate this God/Christ for what he stood for/taught, or did I hate him because of my life experiences with the people who were trying to "push" their beliefs on me? I ask all of you to read this over and over again, and really think about the questions I have asked. Do you, or can you see yourself in my shoes through your life/past experiences?